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Sometimes It Fades Away


Sometimes It Fades Away
Photo Information
Copyright: Ayda Meisami (chiaraluna) Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 563 W: 85 N: 585] (2536)
Genre: People
Medium: Black & White
Date Taken: 2005
Categories: Decisive Moment, Mood, Portrait
Camera: Toshiba PDR-4300
Details: Tripod: Yes
Photo Version: Original Version
Theme(s): *Textures Of The Heart*, Cloverstar's Favourite Photos 3, Potraits [view contributor(s)]
Date Submitted: 2006-01-12 13:09
Viewed: 1761
Favorites: 2 [view]
Points: 60
[Note Guidelines] Photographer's Note
I, many times thought peace had come
When peace was far away,
As wrecked men deem they sight the land
When far at sea they stay.

And struggle slacker, but to prove,
As hopelessly as I,
That many the fictitious shores
Before the harbor lie.

~ Emily Dickinson


sometimes it fades away... the colour in your life.. the hope.. the light you thought might have reentered the window of your soul.. everything can seem fine and better and then something happens.. or many things.. your body aches.. your heart worse... the phone doesnt ring... the bills keep coming... the cat's stressed and wont let you sleep... you get some bad news... or worse no news... and it all just seems to build up into a sense of desperation and grayness in your mind like a heavy fog that follows you around... and nothing seems bright or beautiful anymore... i'm very tired of these moments... i wish they'd stop... but i can only try my best to overcome them and find the light and the colour for myself even when it escapes from me... to look for it instead of only mourning it's absence... i feel i'm on the road to finding the strength but i know it will still be hard... rome wasnt built in a day nor a life rebuilt... i know there will still be days and weeks like this but hopefully no more months and years... this is already a step forward... i'll hold on to that thought and look carefully around me where i know the traces of colour still survive and build from there..

sorry to get melancholy again.. had a bad couple of days so tuesday night i did what i often do to try and distract me from painful feelings which is try to be creative and express them in a portrait.. it's a photo from last year as i'm really not in the mood to photograph myself but.. it seemed to reflect my state of mind and the post processing for me as i've said before is an important emotional process more than technical one for expressing and applying certain feelings to an image... and i felt a little better for doing it :-)

anyway.. exactly what i did is a bit hazy now but.. basically made 2 layers and added a b&w gradient map to the top one leaving the bottom in colour.. used the eraser tool like brushstrokes and loosely and randomly brushed streaks of colour from the bottom layer back into my hair on one side to give the effect of the colour draining away.. then added a diffuse glow with grain and a soft lighting effect for a more muted tone and finally framed.

promise i'll be back soon with something happier.. i think a portrait of my beautiful kitty Bodmin for all his fans ^_^

take care everyone,
Ayda

emanuela, WALTERito, mugush, metall, mwebr, lucbus, cloverstar, cstathoulis, Dingo, TonyFoto, amoriconi2, letr, traveller, DAM, DigiSpy, orkhan, fotofrancis, moody, pierric has marked this note useful
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Critiques [Translate]

Ayda my dear friend...I read your note and it so sad to read about you...the pain you've. I hope you'll feel better and was thinking you feel better when I saw your last photos. They are often a reflection of your mood and was happy you've friends around you. I hope it will come soon that you'll feel better and find rest in your life...I hope that we can help you and that our photos give you strength.
Your portrait is from a high class but the situation you made this gives me double feelings about it Ayda...let the smile return to you ;-)

Take care my dear,

Jos

I don't know exactly your story...
But always love the little things and be thankful...
About the picture : I feel an emotion of sadness, so that's okay !
The B&W together with red dreadlocks i like.
Also the frame... it's just watching television. Ciao,groetjes Giuseppe.

bonjour ayda
j'aime bien ce portrait et l'idée du cadre en forme de television est bonne.
laurent

ciao Ayda,

always nice note and ur pics looks are vintage. Remember me Greta Garbo in 1930's pics. very nice artwork
ciao da Florence
Denis

Sensual and emotional, well rendered.
I'm sorry you're pained again.
Producing an artwork such as this can give an uplifting feeling. When I finish some work (either photography or freshly done wallpapering... some achievement) I have a good look before turning to bed, so the last impression of the day is one of satisfaction. So just look at what you produced here and admire yourself for it.
Wish you the happiness.
TFS

thank you Ayda,
It is worth to talk to create and to express each of our feelings..... i do know what you mean
take care
emanuela

Hello Ayda, your photo looks cool. Nice compo.
I also read your words.. and sent you an email. You'll be alright! The colour and hope you spoke of - they'll come back again. Better than they ever were before.

  • Great 
  • mugush Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 515 W: 42 N: 164] (1666)
  • [2006-01-12 14:52]

No need to comment it on,as I dont have that much vision in photography,, but this picture and note altogather mindblowing
Love
Mugush

  • Great 
  • metall Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 341 W: 32 N: 162] (2946)
  • [2006-01-12 15:10]

SALAM Ayda,(My half persian friend)

Once again a professional Self-Portrait, Not professional in photography, technical or something like them, this is professional to transfer you Pain, Sorrow and mood to me, to me and everyone who are looking at. Yes, I can understand more than you can imagine, there are some pains, Floating all over our life, a life cover by fear of truth, No escape at all. But what we can do? UNFORTUNANTELY nothing, Rest and see. mmm, the worst fact regarding to this case is that key for solve this pain is not in our hand. A pain force to me, No me, most of us by other ones misunderstand!
I can not do anything for you, because you are so far from me, but you can feel someone here, in IRAN, think to you and all you pains. So accept half of your pain is mine, it is better way to handle it.

Mehdi

HI Ayda, Nice picture. Nice mood. Love the composition and the cropping.

see you on TL, Marie-José

  • Great 
  • lucbus Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 2439 W: 92 N: 2009] (10478)
  • [2006-01-12 22:38]

Hi Ayda,
Very nice moody photo. I like this B&W photo with these red in the hair. Superb composition. TFS
Luc

  • Great 
  • salil Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 561 W: 17 N: 288] (1961)
  • [2006-01-12 23:31]

Ayda
We live with despair everyday ... here in this bowl of mercilessness ...
Only way out is through creativity ...
You are a creator ... Here you have created beauty out of pain ...
A fine Pre Raphaelite portrait ...
Salil

Hi Ayda,
nice portrait!
Light, PP and frame ..... perfect.
Purtroppo il mio inglese non mi permette di apprezzare le tue note, comunque le tue foto sono bellissime.
Ciao
Gigi

Nice b and w photo..so moody..
Have a nice time..
Tar

  • Great 
  • edie Gold Star Critiquer [C: 659 W: 0 N: 0] (0)
  • [2006-01-13 5:52]

My dear I like a lot all your portraits and this one is no excepion,cause the red tone on your hair is fantastic and for me means someting hopeful and funny,a colour of life that is inside you...;-))
I'm waiting to see other PGshots here!
I'm happy for Bodmin!
Be up baby, spring will come soon and take better time for us!
Edie

Wow! Fantastic portrait. Love everithing about it. The grain, the softness, the crop, the frame, the mood, the subject, the selecting coloring......all!

Thank you for sharing Ayda.

Ben.

Your note is very touching. I hope you are feeling more colourful today. I wish I could say something to help you feel better. Maybe a big hug for you and one for Bodmin.

As always your self portraits are first class. I guess it helps because you are so attractive. Then that special touch you seem to have in the post processing. I wish you lived closer so you could teach me your techniques.

Excellent work all around. Please hurry with Bodmin's shots. It's time you know.

Ciao Ayda,

I perfectly agree with Edie as far as life!
About your shot, I like your pose, which I dont find totally sad, your beautiful shoulders and your expression, together with that touch of red make me think about a moment caught when you were deep in your thought, and that framing make me think to an old tv, creating nice mood.

take care

Marco

Hi Ayda,
Very moody indeed! I like how you composed & presented the photo to us. But what really stands out is the red streaks of hair. Very creative & imaginative.
Well done :)

  • Great 
  • padre Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor [C: 1419 W: 90 N: 263] (4035)
  • [2006-01-13 16:38]

I love your processing on this one Ayda. The red adds a classic touch to the image. Well done. B

  • Great 
  • Dingo Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 3217 W: 368 N: 2668] (11494)
  • [2006-01-13 18:09]

Yes Ayda, please show us some more of Bodmin - though I don't mind looking at your self-portraits, of course ;o). As usual your PP work is perfectly tuned to your note, and vice versa. If there's one good thing to your darker moods, it's that they deliver very moody, beautiful self-portraits.
Still, I'd love to see some happier SPs from you ;o).
Take care my dear... hugs to Sir Bodmin.
TFS.

Dreamy and beautiful Ayda. Your note is heartfelt and so honest. But your work is magnificent.

Hi Ayda,
A classical beauty plus beautiful but moody poem. She (you?) was put very close to the right edge looking towards outside. It is an unusual composition which strengthen the feeling of hopelessness.
Antony

  • Great 
  • letoun Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Note Writer [C: 226 W: 0 N: 41] (1328)
  • [2006-01-15 13:22]

la photo est tres belle mais je regrete de ne pas comprendre le texte. Cette personne semble vraiment triste j'espere que c'est passé maintenant.
rpah

  • Great 
  • letr Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 1352 W: 439 N: 1185] (6625)
  • [2006-01-16 7:56]

Hi Ayda hope you're feeling better now !! Like the expression in this portrait and the PP you did ..Very creative ..take care !!

Hi Ayda,

Such a long time I passed by and I see you posted wonderful images whilst I was away...
This is a amazingly beauiful portrait my dear. Still with such distress and melancholy in your eyes... I love the way you left the red stripe on your hair. It gives some life to the image. Maybe a spark of happiness...

Lovely photo sweetheart. Really Beautiful

Take care dear and be well

Stef :))

  • Great 
  • DAM Gold Star Critiquer [C: 513 W: 67 N: 268] (1110)
  • [2006-02-08 17:42]

Good to see your work even if it is sporadic. Hope all goes well for you in your new home.

DAM

I think the image treatment works well here. Lots of feeling in it.

Bellissimo ritratto.
Congratulazioni

Hi Ayda,

Very nice picture, and the little red with this b&w picture add a soft touch to it.
TFS

Like looking into a movie screen of your life my friend... the special sharing of the hardship and the feelings...

Very lovely composition, love the way your hair has such body and the screen like frame. :)

Nice to see you again dear Ayda.

Francis

  • Great 
  • moody Gold Star Critiquer [C: 128 W: 1 N: 41] (1211)
  • [2007-04-19 1:53]

Hi there, it is a wonderful composition and lovely picture.
TFS, Cheers, Moody

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